Hello and Happy May Day // Beltane! The last days of April/ first days of May mark the half way point between Spring Equinox and Summer Solstice - what the pagans called the cross quarter holidays. While some years they pass right by me, there are others where I feel really drawn to pay attention during this time, a moment to check in with myself, my intentions, my growth. Today happens to be a day off at my daughter’s school, a forced break in my work schedule giving me a chance to perform ritual and write this newsletter - so here we are! My rituals are very simple these days - spend some time in nature (we repotted some plants and planted wildflower seeds in front of our house), light a candle, journal and maybe pull some tarot cards.
Beltane is associated with the fire element, the return of summer and blossoming happening all around us (and maybe within us). After the full moon in Scorpio - this feels like a time of release and cleansing, letting the fire burn away the old and reinvigorate our spirit. Candles, bonfires, incense and bright colors are calling to me now. Last year, my family and I crafted little mini “maypoles” and it was a lot of fun! I like to think of it as weaving new intentions around the pole, but it’s also just a sweet activity to do with friends or family and ignite our creative spirit.
I always think of the Celtic goddess Brigit during this time, she is a fiery, protective figure, similar to Kali and also known as a “triple- goddess” who represents the maiden, mother and crone. When I pulled out my Goddess Deck to find the card, I was taken aback by the message “Don’t Back Down” and the similarity to the card I pulled for the Taurus New Moon in May - the 7 of Wands. The messages are quite similar - to stand up for ourselves, not to worry about what others think, speak your truth and trust that your actions with work out fine.
Taurus is connected to the throat chakra, self expression and how we communicate. Are we clear in our words, actions and intentions? Do we mean what we say and say what we mean? Am I saying one thing and thinking/ doing another? What holds me back from vulnerability?
The Celtic Goddess Maeve was known for her sexual appetite, and is a reminder to honor our sexuality and life force energy. As we watch the flowers blooming around us, we can reflect on what is also blooming internally. Can you take the time to name one thing you are creating that you are proud of? Can you give yourself a moment of recognition and love? I’ve been pretty hard on myself lately, noticing a lot of negative self talk that comes up when I’m studying. I berate myself for the answers I get wrong, even though I’m getting many more right! Learning to speak to ourselves gently and be our own cheerleader is a real practice.
Taurus season is highlighting big themes around the material, and this being a universal 8 year (more about that here) - we might bring focus on the material - money, resources, self worth, physical health, etc. With Jupiter meeting up with Venus in the final degrees of Taurus, I feel like we have opportunities for big shifts in the area of our chart that Taurus rules. For me, it’s the 8th house - grief, deep emotions, shared resources - and I’ve definitely had to examine a lot of themes around my money and my self worth, as well as how I collaborate with others.
When I reflect on what still triggers me, I think back to childhood and my reference point for sharing resources. I had divorced parents who constantly fought about money, a mother who lied about it and used it as a tool for manipulation. I had a father who often failed to pay child support and to a step dad that put a lot of emphasis on the “appearance of being rich”, but often reminded me of the things he sacrificed in order to raise me. I ended up having a lot of shame, confusion and low self worth for a long time. When it came time to share resources with my partner, money became a pain point, a shame point - always fighting each other over what we “owe” - tit for tat - but neither one ever feeling really supported.
I’ve worked through a lot of it but sometimes the past comes back to haunt you. Old ghosts remind you of the little ways those patterns are still holding on. Right now I’m ready to take my series 7 exam, but I’m being held up by an old dent on my record. An old debt that went unpaid when my daughter was born premature and I was unable to work. I thought I’d left all that in the past and yet it’s causing an issue right now. So I need to face the ghost and take responsibility and try to make it right. And it sucks, I’m ashamed of the mistakes I made in the past and now I have to admit them to my coworkers and total strangers in our compliance department! I have to examine this concept of “what I owe” and why I’ve often always felt that I owe so many people more than I have to give and where that comes from.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the similarities between astrology and finance. Both very complex systems and both completely made up! The more I learn about finance, the more I realize it’s just a concept we all follow, but not necessarily real. And yet, it runs the world! Belief is a powerful thing, and I think this season would be a great time to examine our beliefs around the themes of money and resources - is there anything you want to change? Anything you feel ready or even challenged to change?
Okay, I went on a bit of a ramble with this one but I hope this Beltane brings you some blessings!
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