I know this is like, spirtuality 101, but with Mercury going direct and moving through its shadow period, I think it bears repeating. Your thoughts are not facts, you are not your thoughts, your mind can be a crazy place and you’re not supposed to live there or believe everything you think.
I’ve been thinking a lot about some of the thoughts I think 🙃….whether it’s hearing terrible news from a friend or client and immediately imagining myself in the same position, or covid anxiety when you’ve been in close contact, or the spiral of what ifs just be-fucking-cause I decided to torture myself that day.
I’m not the only one who has noticed an uptick in worry, an uneasiness around all the uncertainties of life since the pandemic, am I? I am person who has struggled with anxiety, but I have never considered myself a chronic worrier, and yet- when the things you took for granted all become unsafe one year, I guess it makes you wonder.
The simplest human contact, can we hug/shake hands, be in the same room with each other? It didn’t have a huge effect on me at first, but I'm starting to see some of the ways I’ve habitually begun to question my safety, or search for certainty in places I (deep down) know it can’t be found.
And this week, it started to really piss me off.
I’m not enjoying the first dinner out we’ve had in months because I got a text that Ruby’s schoolmate has covid and now I’m obsessing about how close they came in contact on the playground. I’m not present with my daughter because I’m doing some mental gymnastics trying to solve a problem I made up in my head. They say fear is “false evidence appearing real” - I can weave a story of disaster out of just a few small pieces of evidence, and even though I know it’s not real, it sure starts to feel that way after awhile.
Fear, anxiety, worry are true thieves of the present moment. And I’m sick of missing out on the life I have right now because I’m projecting made up narratives onto my future. Lately, I’ve been coming back to the phrase, Be Here Now in my meditations when I feel my mind start to wander in far off places. I read the book by Ram Dass in the early aughts, when studying yoga, and I find myself returning to the basics again and again. I feel like I’m still such a beginner, still learning the lessons over and over again in new ways. Just when I thought I had so many answers, it’s back to the questions.
I talk a lot about boundaries in my relationship work, but it applies here too. Boundaries are what keep me from future tripping, when I want to pull a card, or look to astrology for answers, when I start playing out doomsday scenarios in my head, when I let fear paralyze me. It’s my boundaries that save me; my ability to say no to myself, to put down the phone, the deck, or the story. To go dance, breath, meditate or cook something. It’s the inner parent part of me that can tell my scared ego that she’s safe, it’s the moment I lock myself in the bathroom, look into my own eyes and say “I got you”, and in the hardest moments, it’s when I let myself feel the shaky, vulnerable feelings of my deepest fears, and hold myself through it.
This full moon in Aries, I’m wishing you all the fiery courage to release what’s no longer serving you, say no when you need to, stand in your power and lead with your whole heart.
A few things:
🍂 This month I released a grounding restoratives practice for Fall/Vata Season + the regular channeled message, a tarot reading and my favorite fall rituals for my paid subscribers - it’s only $9 per month or $90 per year - upgrade HERE
🌹I’m offering a full moon special on my Relational Healing Course for all my subscribers! Just enter FULLMOON22 at checkout for 22% off, valid until Oct 16th
📖 on attention / loving / nostalgia
📺 This interview was captivating and full of so much wisdom
🧘🏼♀️ Teaching Desk Yoga on Cup of Jo from 2014, I’ve been reading and loving this blog ever since!
Knight of Wands, rx + Peace 🕊
This week begins on Sunday with a Full Moon in fiery Aries, which is also conjunct Chiron, the planet known as the wounded healer. Like Aries, the Knight of Wands deals in the element of fire, this is fast action and movement, this character is charismatic, a risk taker, a change maker.
This Full Moon energy is highlighting our inner fire, our passions, our ego and our relationship with autonomy and how we stand as leaders. Conjunct Chiron, it highlights any wounds we have in these areas, and how we can illuminate them to create change, and also, like Chiron, become a healer. Our wounds can be portals into our deepest healing, which in turn gives us the opportunity to heal others.
Where in your life can you stand as a leader, a teacher and a mentor? How can you apply your fire and passion towards healing? On a practical level, how do you balance action and movement, with moments of peace and serenity?
This week wants to show us a new perspective on healing, light your full moon flames and hold your wounds with tender compassion.
As Jodorowsky says of the The Emperor (card for Aries), “I am the one who sees your weaknesses, yet does not weaken.”
Vibes:
any activities that bring you a sense of peace, especially creative ones like making art, cooking, etc., resting in sacred silence, fire rituals or full moon release rituals, passion projects, teaching, mentoring, sharing your experiences with others, RAIN meditation from Tara Brach, sovereignty and leadership, patience - don’t rush your healing, this is a life practice